pumpkin

2 weeks to go...baby boy krochak is the size of a pumpkin! almost there...

Compare & Contrast

35 weeks with Aubrey (L) and 36 weeks with baby boy krochak (R)

I had to write a post like this at some point to document for myself how far I have come in my own health and in being a positive role model for my kiddos (that is a huge motivator for me).  People who have known me for many years know that I struggle with my weight, and being healthy.  I have had times where I have been thin, times where I have been fat, times where I have been strong, times where I have been unhealthy, and everything in between.  Throughout high school and college there were a lot of adjustments that I needed to make when I had to navigate transitioning from a young girl to an adolescent girl, and then to a young woman, which included balancing being an athlete with properly fueling my body, and then no longer being a competitive athlete and failing to adjust my eating habits, as well as socializing and drinking and eating while I did so, and then working full time in jobs with long hours and not much time to prep food or get workouts in.  

By the time I graduated college, I had pretty much gotten the hang of these "adjustments," and took my health and fitness into my own hands (in other words, I realized that I couldn't blame anyone or anything other than myself if I wasn't happy with how I felt physically); however, there were constant hurdles and setbacks.  Cramming for grad school finals meant eating poorly balanced nutrition.  Socializing a LOT meant drinking a lot of alcohol and eating greasy bar foods.  I usually balanced these actions out reasonably well with working out, but if I didn't do enough of that, the weight would sneak on -- not to mention my skin wouldn't look great and I just wouldn't feel very energized.  Later, working long hours in a new job meant grabbing takeout a lot or skipping workouts and sacrificing sleep.  All of these things meant that although I kind of found my homeostasis for months at a time, I still allowed hurdles to come in and shake things up with respect to how I looked and felt.

The most recent hurdle to do this was being pregnant with Aubrey.  I had gained some "happy" weight by going out to eat a lot and such with jason, and was still working on getting that off when I got pregnant.  Lots of things I read indicated that I shouldn't start an intense workout routine if I didn't already have one.  In addition, I had really bad morning sickness and couldn't stomach anything but simple carbs and sugary items.  I was constantly tired and didn't feel well.  I didn't really workout, and I didn't prepare my own meals.  This wasn't a huge problem in the first trimester, but ultimately, I put on 55lbs during my pregnancy, was extremely uncomfortable in my own skin, and after I had Aubrey and realized how much work I had to do, was extremely disappointed in myself.

After my sister in law tagged this photo of me on Facebook, I knew I had to do something other than crying or being upset: I had to take action.  

I started working out with a personal trainer again in hopes that I would get back to feeling strong and energized.  This was a good start, but it wasn't a full health transformation, because I wanted so desperately for it to be a quick fix and was so focused on the numbers on the scale dropping immediately.  In the 7 months since I'd had Aubrey, I had lost about 20 or so pounds when I first went to the PT, and I think after a couple months of eating a relatively strict low calorie diet (when a social event didn't get in the way), I had lost only 9-10lbs.  This discouraged me, and I gained weight again as I felt like a failure or let busy times at work be excuses for why I couldn't work out or deserved to eat calorie-laden, low-nutrient meals.  Unfortunately, it was not the "fix" I had been hoping for.

By the time Aubrey was 1.5 years old, I realized that my weight was STILL yo-yo-ing, and I was not the happy person I had been.  I wanted to spend time with my family so I didn't make time to workout, and I bought lunch or coffee drinks and pastries for breakfast with coworkers who seemed to be able to do the same without affecting their physique.  We went skiing and I had to buy all new clothes so I could ski.  My quads BURNED after each run, and I had to take constant breaks.  The altitude made me huff and puff and I felt awful.  I wanted to change, but work got extremely busy and I used it as an excuse - again.  I got through that, but then wedding season came up, and when I saw photos from bridal showers, bachelorette parties, and the weddings themselves, I could barely recognize who was in those pictures -- and I no longer had "you just had a baby!" as an excuse. I remember seeing other pregnant women and friends who didn't seem to have the same issue with gaining so much weight or getting it off, and being jealous--yet still not looking within myself to DO something about it. Ultimately, I knew this was not "me" and I wanted to get back to feeling how I had felt in the years past: healthy, strong, fit, and in control.  

In July 2013, I tried an outdoor fitness bootcamp class called EmpowerFit in San Mateo, and it was just what I had been looking for!  Group classes for support, motivation, and accountability.  An awesome coach who made me feel strong and encouraged me for showing up (as well as gave me a hard time when I didn't), and the feeling that I could be healthy again if I just dedicated some time to it.  I really enjoyed the workouts, and found it easier and easier to get up early to attend them as my body and energy levels reacted so well to them.  My initial fitness tests were eye-opening, but they made it super sweet when I made progress in the next months.  The class ran a few online accountability challenges, and my natural competitive spirit plus the momentum I had going made these short 21 or 30 days healthy focuses really work for me.  The focus was on being active and eating WHOLE, CLEAN foods - we never counted calories, we just listened to our bodies and ate balanced meals more often.  Three months after starting bootcamp, I was down nearly 10lbs and had lost inches and gained muscle (not to mention my self-confidence back!).  I was less than 10lbs away from my "pre-pregnancy weight." 

Then I found out I was pregnant again.

I did not want to give up my beloved bootcamp classes, and I did not want to give up Shakeology (I had started drinking the healthy meal replacement shake daily in one of the challenges and loved how I felt).  I was happy to hear from my doctor that I didn't have to, and was especially motivated when my bootcamp (and beach body) coach told me about other women who had or were continuing to workout while pregnant.  There were a few days or weeks where I was just way too tired to get out of bed at 6am to workout in the cold or rain, but I didn't let that become a pattern, and would get to the next class I could as soon as I felt better.  I checked in via facebook and got SO MUCH support and encouragement from friends and family -- how could I not keep it up?!  

I was able to workout at bootcamp through my 33rd week of pregnancy, when my back and hip pain after class got to be too much.  I would have loved to keep going, but I had to listen to my body and take it a little easier.  Luckily, I've built up more muscle mass, healthy eating habits, and a love of working out so I've been able to keep these things going for the last few weeks even without bootcamp itself.  I'm in the homestretch of my pregnancy with four weeks left (depending on when the little guy decides to join us), and I have one more week at work.  I have a lot of things to do in preparation for our new addition, but I'm mostly excited about not having to sit in my car to commute or at my desk at work all day, and be able to workout daily, prepare and eat healthy meals, and focus on myself for a few weeks before it's back to baby mode.  

Since I was already in a state of reflection today, I perused the blog and was pretty proud to see the difference between photos of me pregnant with Aubrey and baby boy krochak.  Not only am I smaller overall (so far I have gained about 12.5lbs this pregnancy, and anticipate that my total weight gain will be 20lbs or less this time, which was the goal my doctor and I discussed), but also I am just HAPPIER.  I have thoroughly enjoyed being pregnant this time around.  My body seems able to handle it better, and mentally I feel so much stronger.  Seeing the comparison photos above cemented it in my own head, and I decided that this kind of a post would be perfect to pick the blogging momentum back up as a new little family member comes into our lives for us to teach about the world!  I plan to remain a fit, active mom and to teach and SHOW my kids healthy eating habits. :)

belly button tee?

Kinda like what we wore in the '80's, but a little different...